'It's not fair!' How these parents help their kids work through the fear of missing out

Sibling rivalry is a normal and expected part of having more than one child at home. So is helping kids navigate those feelings of inequity. 

As a blended family — my husband and I are raising my son and his two daughters — these challenges seem to be magnified by parenting schedules that don't always line up, co-parenting across three families and experiences between kids that are not always shared.

I had a recent conversation with my oldest stepdaughter, which was prompted by some minor scuffles between the kids about things not feeling fair.

"Here's the thing," I told her. "You and I share something special. We're both the oldest daughters in our family, and I'm going to let you in on a little secret: that role can be a really hard one. It's going to feel and actually be 'unfair' sometimes."

I had her remember back to when she wanted to get her ears pierced. I reminded her it felt like a big deal and took her parents awhile to decide she she were old enough. 

"Well, when your ears didn't fall off, you made it much easier for your sister to get her ears pierced — maybe even before (the age) you got to," I said. "Because here's the real secret: parents of first children don't totally know what they're doing, and they worry a lot about every decision. It is going to be unfair sometimes."

It seems a day doesn't go by when we don't hear protests of "Why did they get to do that?," "That's not fair! I had to wait until I was 8 to do that!" or the dreaded "What did you guys do without me?" question that comes after a child has been with the other parent.

My husband and I find ourselves in a delicate balance of creating equitable experiences, while also helping each of our kids understand that, unfortunately, we won't always be able to make decisions that are perfectly fair or share all experiences equally across kids in the family. Blended or not, this just happens in families.

To read how we’re managing the feeling of “not fair”, read more at Momaha.com.