What I’ve struggled with the most beyond the challenges of whether or not a baby is possible, is the question of, what is the “thing” that we build together in this life and marriage if it’s not a baby? Babies often bring couples and families together and permanently link two people in ways that are unmatched by anything else in this life.
Read MoreI desperately need forgiveness. From my Savior. Also from the people around me. My husband, our children, my family, co-workers, the lady at the grocery store who I cut off in the parking lot, the telemarketer I hung up on, my-ex, my friends, the list goes on and on.
Read MoreWhen the tiger babies are in my cave, there is no contrast between how I treat them and how I treat my own cub. My heart forgets that they are not only mine. I love all three of them for who they are as individual cubs, but they are a unit together in my heart.
Read More“The music stopped and I have no idea why it’s taken 20 minutes to get it to work again. We can put a man on the moon, but they can’t get a Milli Vanilli song to play on iTunes.”
Read MoreWhen you're blending a family, you also blend traditions big and small, and the first few weeks I had unrealistic expectations about how meal time would go. Eventually we settled into a pattern where we all ate at the same time, and roughly the same food. It took me awhile to figure out that four out of five people will always eat whatever the dish is, but five out of five is just asking for a meltdown - usually mine. We got through that, but we were still struggling at first with the dynamic of conversation, conflict and competition that came out of three kids trying to share, or not having space to share about their days.
Read MoreI never dreamed of being a step-mom. As a young child, I didn't carry around my baby doll pretending I was its second mother. It wasn't something I thought I would ever experience, not something I would have said that I wanted. But here I am. Grateful to be a step-mom by design.
Read MoreTurns out, there's no "What to Expect, When You're Expecting - a WHOLE NEW FAMILY". I was good at being pregnant. (One time with my perfect son. With no morning sickness. And a 45 minute labor...) I could plan for that. There were milestones, measurements along the way, checklists and rules. None of that applies when bringing together two different families in hopes that they become one.
Read MoreHere I am. Like some kind of karmic slap. Watching my ex coach his son. My only child. And because it’s my only child who is playing I hate it slightly less. His coaching. Slightly less.
Read MoreOnce upon a time there was a little princess arms dealer…
Read MoreI had this picture of my "bachelorette" party in my head. (Bachelorette exists in air quotes because I really don't think you get to claim this phrase when it's your second wedding, and certainly not in conjunction to the word "party" when it's daytime and the most scandalous thing about the event is inappropriate cupcakes that your best friend's husband made..)
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