I Do Not Have It Together
Today my sweet friend reached out with a note that said something like, “Please consider writing about how you balance your career and family life. You always seem to have it all together.”
I couldn’t believe what I was reading. This is a mom who I want to be more like. She is truly among the best examples of motherhood I’ve been blessed to witness. But on this point, she’s wrong. And hilarious.
I do not have it all together. My life is never in balance.
Here’s what I will write. The woman in this picture is a mess. Forget the literal bad complexion, messy hair and free t-shirt. A total mess in work and motherhood too.
Yes, sometimes I do feel like I can do it all. 1% of the time I believe balance exists. But the other 99%...
I make us late for school and work, because I got up too late, my hair is wet, and I’ve just gotten cranky with a kid about tying shoes.
I’m not pleasant or perky at work, and get crabby about things out of my control.
I get pangs of guilt through the day about what I’ve done wrong in my parenting, what I’m missing by being at work, and what I should be doing better.
5pm rolls around and as I transition back into home life, I feel totally foggy and want nothing more than to hide from my family for a few minutes.
I don’t want to work out. I just keep buying bigger pants.
I like control, and from time to time I pick a fight with my husband about stupid stuff like packing the dishwasher the wrong way. I take him for granted.
I have a minor breakdown at least once a week. I don’t sleep well. I’m overwhelmed and fight anxiety.
I stress eat.
I watch The Real Housewives franchise and Insta pics of books.
I take things personally. Too much. I want everyone to like me, but I’m pretty sure they don’t.
I’m not splotchy because of allergies, it’s because I’ve been crying.
I do not have it all together. There is no balance. Only resilience, hope, faith, and good friends who encourage me, and see the best in me, especially when I can’t.